The Golden Ticket – Episode 1

That might have been the best season premiere in the history of the show.

We didn’t have a montage of people dressed up in costume with no singing voice.

We didn’t have sappy stories.

We had singers. And musicians. And WGWG (White Guys With Guitars). And BGWG (Black Girls/Guys With Guitars). And BSBWSF (Big Soul Brothers Who Sing Falsetto). And we had hot chicks. A decent amount of hot chicks.

It’s tough to write these recaps because after the show I’m half buzzed (thanks four Captain and Diet Pepsis) but tomorrow I’ll have a full breakdown of the episode and the other Dude, C-Money, will have his highlights as well.

Quickly though, I thought the judges were great but they let way too many mediocre singers in. Half the people they let in half no shot at winning and that should be the only requirement to go to Hollywood.

Sam Woolf was an early WGWG who is young and has some talent. Interesting to see what he can do with a song I’ve heard of (sorry I’m old).

Ethan Thompson is a beast. He’s not a super hunk, but he’s just homeless-looking enough to make ladies swoon and his voice + guitar = gold. He’s my early Top 20 pick.

I have a thing for giant black dudes – moreso if they have a girls name – but Shanon Wilson didn’t sound like what I thought he’d sound like. Instead of burying me with soul and bass, he got me moving with some falsetto. That’s gonna restrict him – tough to do group stuff with a guy who just does false – but there’s something so fucking entertaining about a 400-pound dude who can control his voice like that.

I feel like the ukelele lady and the WGWG got a ton of love on Twitter, but they sandwiched a darkhorse candidate, Savannah Young, that Steven Tyler would have been hitting on awkwardly. She’s 17, is a good-looking girl (not in a gross way) and has the voice and musical ability to do something.

Shelby Comey was also a favorite and this is coming from a guy who hates country. Plus, the girl was so white she was invisible.

There were some others I liked, both for voices and stupid hotness, but we’ll deal with more in-depth stuff tomorrow.

Back to drinking water so I don’t get too hammered during the West Coast showings.

-The Captain