In Least Surprising News Ever, Underwood Made the Most Money of any Ex-Idol in 2013

I would be Mr. Underwood in a second

I would be Mr. Underwood in a second

CMT – Simon Cowell was only half right. When he told Carrie Underwood he predicted that she’d not only winAmerican Idol back in 2005 but that she’d sell more records than any other previous Idol winner, he didn’t even make mention of how much money she’d make with her champion voice.

Forbes magazine has just released its list of top-earning American Idol contestants for 2013. And Underwood is way, way, way at the top. She made $31 million last year, which adds up to $83 million over the past five years. I’m sure her tour, her Blown Away album, her work with Olay and other endeavors all contributed to her big paycheck this year.

So let me get this straight – the most talented and arguably hottest Idol of all time made more money than any other Idol contest did in 2013? Get. The. Fuck. Outta. Here.

Two things shock me about this list: How in the hell does Taylor Hicks make $2.5 mil? Is that all from blue-hairs and rednecks going to Vegas? Because that’s insanity. More crazy than Fantasia making $1.5 mil.

Other thing was Jennifer Hudson making only a milli. Doesn’t she have a movie career and endorsements and shit? I feel like something doesn’t add up here.

You know what list I’d love to see? The Top 12 contestants who make the least amount of money. Who’s super poor? I mean poor like me. Believe it or not, getting hammered twice a week and watching American Idol don’t pay the bills.

It would make me feel better as a whole if I found out Ryan Starr (Season 1 hot chick) or Chikezie (Season 7) is singing on a subway platform for change, wondering how in the hell things didn’t work out for them. Something tells me Anoop Desai (Season 8) used his college education and is an engineer making six figures somewhere, but it eats at him that Kris Allen has a recording contract.

-The Captain