Cashing Out: Short and Sweet
1) Power hour
Thanks for cockblocking us last night AI … One HOUR?!? Are you serious?!? How am I going to slam my usual sixer of Bud Light smoothies in an hour? I’ll tell you how, dedication. The real problem is I didn’t realize until 50 minutes in that it was only an hour episode and I was only on beer 3, so I had to pound three in the last 10 minutes. I mean the rules are the rules. Anyway, off to the breakdown.
2) WTF Connick
Connick pissed me off again last night. He went from a 10 on the opening episode to a 9, to now an 8. He still has a chance to redeem himself, but not off to a good start in my book. J-Lo, however, is like an angel from heaven. This sounds fruity as hell, but whatever skin products she uses, I don’t just want, I NEED! The harsh New England weather makes my face look like it’s falling off skin-flake by solo skin-flake. J-Lo, however, looks like a Latina queen who just radiates awesomeness. I have no idea how that Skelator-looking Marc Anthony got her, let alone banged her hard enough to have twins.
3) Welcome to Atlanta
Home of Phillip Phillips. I was disappointed Ludacris didn’t make an appearance, but glad to see Sam Burchfield as Phillip Phillips Phillips. He was good but still has that “I go to a school like Clemson, wear Birks and cargo shorts and take my high school sweetheart to the debutante ball” kind of look. Jungle Book was an odd but ballsy choice, but who doesn’t love some Baloo action, so I’m down with some Sam Sams.
4) Can’t see parents managing kids going poorly. Oh wait
Bria + “Momager” = end up like Macaulay Culkin. Now you could say “but C$, he got to blast Mila Kunis for 8 years.” I know, but he now looks like a heroin dealer and the biggest travesty of all is that he wasn’t in Home Alone 3 OR the unwatchable 4 because of it. Bria has no shot for success after her AI run.
5) Jesse Cline
LOVE this cat. The first CD I would actually buy would be this dude. Yes, he looks a little like John Popper, yes he has the Sam Burchfield fashion director, but this dude can flat our sing and play acoustic and those who know me, know I cant get enough of that Mayer/Matthews/Mraz action.
6) Winner of the night
Lauren Ogburn without a friggin doubt. Blew the roof off.. First her awesome attire which of course Connick clowned, then that country singing and down-home goodness that makes me want to cuddle in the back of a pickup truck while catching fireflies in the summer sky or some shit like that. I NEED her to make it to the end so I can see what more southern treats she can deliver to my ears.