Cashing Out: Who’s gonna eat the worm?
What an awesome night. Probably my favorite of the year. Salt Lake with a surprise.
First of all, I’ve been to Utah. Weird ass spot. The beer sucks, it’s like drinking Poland Spring with a dash of Bud Light. There’s so much desert, yet so many mountains, you know why? Continental Divide son! That’s why. There’s your geography lesson for the day…
Now onto the action….
1) Tiquila Wilson
Big black chick who everyone digs. EVERYONE! If you think of all the “healthy” black chicks in the game, there’s no one who doesn’t. (lots of double negatives in that one). Precious, (formerly big) Jennifer Hudson, Aretha Franklin – the list goes on and on. I for one, and I know The Captain too, love big black dudes (sounds weird). I’m more into Ruben, Biggie, Luther, Big Black, etc. Problem is, we haven’t run into any of those yet, so Tiquila will fill that void just fine. I’m a fan and I know everyone else is too. Only issue I have is the over-use of Adele jams.
2) Briston Maroney
He looks like a little C-Money which makes me biased (Editor’s Note: He’s not lying. C-Money could pass for a high school student, like Drew Barrymore in “Never Got Kissed”) but this dude can sing. I think. At one point, his voice sounded like nails on a chalkboard and the next moment he sounded like Jagger himself. I can’t tell if I love it or hate it, but I love Nashville and I like his name because its memorable so that scores some points..
3) The Sucktard
Kim singing Barracuda = awesome. Between all the stories of “parents dying and taking care of my kids” etc.,etc., it was good to get a laugh. As I’ve said before, they need to sprinkle in more of these…
4) “Those” kids
Johnny Newcomb and Emily Rottler got on my good side. I don’t know if they’re experienced enough to go the distance but they’ll make for some good (and boring) Hollywood weeks. They are the cats that parents say “oh good Emily and Johnny are coming over.” They will appeal to the soccer moms fo’ sho’.
5) Mike Simeon
Really liked. Yes B-side Mayer songs give me boners, but this guy did it in his own twist that was awesome. I’m voting for this cat.
6) The night’s winner is …
Kenzie Hall. BOOM in your face. My No. 1 cat to take the Season 13 crown. She sings like an angel, looks like an angel, picks amazing songs, etc. I’m almost speechless at the awesome.
What’s really going to be awesome is when Madyln and her split the “good looking” vote and we end up with a goofy looking bastard (I.e. Clay Aiken) and someone good-looking (I.e. Pia Toscano) gets the boot. And I know what you guys are going to say “oh C$, you only like her because she sang yet another Mayer song.”
Wrong!! That’s part of it, but she could have sang a Limp Bizkit song and I would have been just as excited. Actually even more excited if she sang “Break Stuff” or “Nookie.”
Tonight is the last night of tryouts. There’s 193 in right now and they usually go with around 240, so tonight should be a blockbuster. Make sure you check back later for The Captain’s comprehensive breakdown of last night’s show and his quick recap after tonight’s show.