Golden Ticket – Going Out With a Bang

Strangely enough, he did not make the auditions in Omaha.

Strangely enough, he did not make the auditions in Omaha.

They saved the best for last.

In more ways than one.

The producers deserve a rousing round of applause, because this year’s audition round was exactly what the show needed – we had artists, not assholes, singers, not showoffs. Major League baseball teams don’t let Larry the high school all-star play in spring training games because they’re trying to make the best team possible; it was about time Idol decided to allow and showcase the best singers that are trying to be the best Idols possible.

Omaha brought us a little bit of everything – we had some WGWGs, the JBAS MVP, a BFBDWS, some GWG and we had Tessa Kate, who if I had to put together a list of favorites without really going back on my research, is the No. 1 favorite to win American Idol Season 13.

The question isn’t who was good tonight; it’s more who wasn’t. We started a little slow and then it was like a Tyson match in the mid-80s.

BOOM Madisen Walker. BOOM Alyssa Siebken. BOOM Bootleg Lambert on his second chance. BOOM Tyler Marshall. BOOM CJ JONES. BOOM DaJontae Lenear (who probably banged J-Lo). BOOM Dylan Becker. BOOM Adrina Brogden. BOOM BOOM Tessa Kate.

This is going to be the best Hollywood Week because there’s no way to predict how some of the favorites will do.

There’s 200-plus names going to Hollywood and we didn’t see all of them, despite the producers trying to show every one. There’s a good chance a couple are better than the people we’ve seen and that’s crazy – because the talent this season is solid. It doesn’t seem super top heavy – like when David Cook or Phillip Squared tried out and everyone was like “there’s the winner” – but there are so many people who could win, I’m curious to see how they’re going to narrow everyone down once they get to Hollywood. How many WGWG are too many? How many big black soul singers do you take? How many Jail Bait All-Stars make the cut? How many badass rednecks are gonna keep their binge going?

Tonight I loved Madisen Walker, then calmed down once I realized she’s 15. I don’t envy her father. And he needs to force her to change her Twitter handle. Girl has crazy talent and would be the hottest chick on the show if she was 18. Since she’s not, she’s the JBAS MVP for Season 13.

I loved Alyssa Siebken. Not just because she started following Dudes Review Idol in the first week (OK, a little because). I loved her because she auditioned the way you’re supposed to – do a weird song, crush it, get to Hollywood and act like someone we’d all want to hang out with. I’m expecting an invite if she makes the live shows as her “personal Idol coach” aka “help her pick songs and dominate coach” or “drink beers with her if she loses coach.” Pretty sure I can kick her ass in beer pong (duh) and probably flip cup too.

Tyler Marshall was exactly what I needed to complete the set on Season 13. I love fat soul dudes. They’re my shit. When Jermaine Jones was on, I loved him until his bogus criminal charges got him kicked off; I’m gonna be rooting for T-Marsh to be a Top 12 guy.

DaJontae showed the most balls and I was pretty sure J-Lo wanted to bang. I don’t want to say I have confirmation that he did – because I don’t – but he probably could have, which is good enough.

Dylan Becker completed the cycle of WGWGs and Adrina Brogden was an Idol producer’s dream; ethnic, freckles, great hair, great voice, sweet personality. Exactly what you want in a winner. She’ll fare well.

And then there was Tessa Kate.

I don’t know if it was the song choice. Don’t know if it was the voice. Don’t know if it was the beauty.

Whatever it was, she was the complete package.

And auditions couldn’t have closed any better.

-Captain

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