Hollywood Nights: Planes, Buses and Urbanmobiles

Awkward dancing rules!

Awkward dancing rules!

There was a new hitch to the start of Hollywood Week, but it was the same old story it’s been in the past – some surprise eliminations, some news faces to keep an eye on and the start of Group Night.

And it. Was. Awesome.

People don’t bitch about the first two days of the NCAA Tournament being monotonous or boring. The competition is good enough people bang out of work to watch and results are never predictable, letting secretaries named Maude beat NCAA fanatics in office pools.

Hollywood Week is the same. The first day is always tremendous. The first performances are always a favorite – line ’em up, sing, put some a step up, some a step back and BOOM, tears.

Then they made it better. If you didn’t like the hangar, fuck you. Seriously (unless you were a contestant; that must have been shit-your-pants scary).

There’s a lot of marginal contestants that make it to Hollywood Week because they made J-Lo cry, made Connick laugh or used the same hair products as Urban, only to embarrass themselves in the line-up game (PS Idol needs a nickname for whatever they call the first portion, especially if they’re introducing badass things like “The Chamber” and “The Hangar”).

Last night gave us an idea of who the judges liked. Because if you performed in The Hangar, the judges were unsure about you, which didn’t make me feel especially good about my Top 15 Guys and Girls predictions.

And then to make life even worse for the contestants and better for us at home, they put the singers on two buses – one sending them home, one for Hollywood. And seeing the performances, I have no idea how any of the people on Bus 1 didn’t know they were going home.

Sad to see some of my favorites on Bus 1. Happier to see some of my favorites on Bus 2 (including Alyssa Siebken, who is playing the Idol game better than anyone. She’s doesn’t have the best voice, but she’s smart).

I don’t know if we saw a performance that gave me goosies. A couple came close – Eric Wood in The Hangar, Majesty Rose on stage, Savion Wright after we found out his brother was killed just before he left for Hollywood.

I lost track of all the performances between playing catchup on the DVR, the Coors Light 16 ouncers and worrying about the people I picked for my Top 15 Guys and Girls and Top 13 overall. Stress city.

I do need to know why Idol hasn’t made every performance available on a PPV format or online somewhere. I would pay NFL prices for a ticket to watch those auditions and boo when someone I like gets kicked out (Really Jade Lathan? Amanda Calmes?).

The only baffling moment was Kevin London’s coming out moment (we wrote about it earlier today) and how bad it made the judges look.

Group Night followed soon and it went as expected, except we didn’t see nearly enough crazy stage parents. I tweeted a list of “Most Dramatic People at Group Night” but need to redo it. Here we go (mind you, this is all based on stereotypes the producers always make sure to show):
1) Black girls – easy choice.
2) White girls – sneaky pick
3) Gay dudes – almost as sassy as No 1
4) Gay chicks – Dare people to get mad at them
5) Hispanics – Don’t ruin their dream
6) Teens – Criers. All of ’em.
7) Dudes – white or black, usually pretty calm and just huff and puff and walk away
8) People with guitars – They hate group night because everyone else is nuts

Producers teased us with the drama and that’s coming tonight. Just pissed they’re only giving us one hour. Guess I’ll start boozing early.

Follow me on Twitter and live tweet during the show – @DudesReviewIdol. You can also tweet with my partner in crime CMoney – @CMoneyIdol – and he would have written today, but he got sick and crapped himself. That may or may not be true, but I’m just gonna say if you tweet at him, ask him about it.

The Captain