Golden Ticket: Idol judges have lost their damn minds

Big winner from Wednesday night.

Big winner from Wednesday night.

Want my honest reaction after tonight’s American Idol?

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.

To quote Tag Team, whoomp, there it is.

We’re at the point where every pick is, or at least should be, a coin toss. Idol does a good job of rounding out a Top 10/12/15 of guys and girls that fill a specific hole. It was clear when Madelyn Patterson (hottest legal chick in the game) didn’t get in, that some other pretty white girl singer was. Sam Woolf’s inclusion means bad news for a lot of the WGWGs who we think are still available.

(PS: The fact Idol doesn’t have an updated board every week is infuriating. Can you imagine if the NCAA Tourney didn’t tell you who won every game every week? Instead they just said “Yeah, Michigan was awesome!” and made you wait three weeks to find out how awesome they were? Get your shit together Idol)

I don’t think any of the inclusions were shocks. At this point, everyone is good and with such inconsistency among the judges – as mentioned last week – it’s really hard to gauge what they really thought of contestants.

The biggest names that got cut were girls – Patterson and Keri Lynn Roche. Patterson’s cut made sense when you saw Kristen O’Conner get in (coin flip between the two); Roche’s cut didn’t make sense, but to be fair, we haven’t seen the entire field.

Probably the most dramatic portion of the night was when the judges forced Jessica Meuse and Jesse Roach to do a singoff for the final spot. Yes, CJ Harris and Casey Thrasher ended the night and we don’t know who won (I’M TAKING THE TALENTED BLACK DUDE FOR THE WIN), the singoff between the two similar-sounding guitaressess showed the difficulty the judges face. To be fair, this guy said Meuse would outduel Roach for the final spot, so I was the big winner along with the pink-haired superstar-to-be.

MK Nobilette got in, but that shouldn’t have been much of a shock; the biggest was either youngster Jordan Brisbane, who crushed his final audition, or Emmanuel Zidor, who looked like a clown up until his final audition piece, where he murdered ‘I’m Going Down’ and it my favorite because he’s the best soul bro Idol has.

Dexter Roberts’ inclusion makes me wonder if Caleb Johnson is going to get in; Malcom Allen’s inclusion was perplexing, but his final audition piece was ridiculous. He sings like Burnell from Season 12; if he can avoid making the same shitty song choices Burnell made, he might do OK.

The one thing tonight’s show left me with was wondering WHO IS TAKING THE LAST SPOTS?
There isn’t many left. By my count, there are eight girls in, leaving seven spots, and nine guys, leaving six (I know there’s a Top 31; I don’t know if it means extra girl or guy).

Looking over my girls, I can’t see how Tessa Kate, Remi Wolf, Majesty Rose, Paula Hunt, Melanie Porras and Kenzie Hall don’t get in. That’s six names with seven spots left. And that’s not including my darkhorse picks Jocelyn Baker and Taylor Stearns.

Looking at the dudes, how does Savion Wright, Ryan Nisbett, David Luning, David Oliver Willis, Ethan Thompson not get in? I can see CJ Jones getting cut for Maurice Townsend. I can see Zidor over TK Hash. I get Dexter over Caleb Johnson. But those five need to be in.

This feels like such an incomplete blog post, but it’s hard to get serious because we still have half a show to field. My emotions could be “oh shit” now and tomorrow be like “I’m a fucking genius!”

Thursday’s last hour is going to be rough. I’m probably going to throw something through a window.
But we’re one episode away from live shows, and that’s when things really get good.

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