Who is Going To Win Season 13 of American Idol? We’ll Tell You

These dudes are the Vegas favorites.

These dudes are the Vegas favorites.

I can’t see on contestant winning American Idol this season.

I can see about seven, which scares the hell out of me.

It’s not hard to make guesses on who is going to fare well on the show. Usually on voices alone you can pick three or four names, then try to come up with some explanation as to why this one will fare better than the other. You can check online betting sites and see what the odds are and make picks based off that.

Now before I go into this, let me say this: none of this is a personal attack on any of the contenders. I actually like the field. Just because I don’t think someone can win doesn’t mean I think they are an awful musician. I just don’t think their style/look/ability is as good as someone else’son the show. It infuriates me to no end when I say something like “CJ Harris was the worst of the bunch in the Wild Card auditions” and then he comes back and kills it and somebody responds “He showed you! You’re an idiot! He doesn’t suck!”

We’re not going to have 13 winners this season. Twelve of these people are going home. My job – heh, job – is to figure out who I think will based on how they’ve performed and America’s tendencies. And if you didn’t notice, I did name most of the field before the vote was announced after they performed last week.

So let’s break this down.

Looking at the 13 names we have, I’d say seven are very strong contenders to win and another three have a shot. The only three I’d say have no prayer are Kristen O’Conner (Kelly Clarkson is the only pretty white non-country girl to win Idol and KO ain’t quite KC); Dexter Roberts (simply because he’s not as good as Ben Briley); and Caleb Johnson (American won’t let a rocker win).

OK, we need to make some more cuts.

I love, love, love Geena Gina Jena Asciutto and think she could grown on people, but I doubt America will have the patience for that, so we’ll cut her. Jessica Meuse? Nope. WGWG fans won’t let the GWG get the votes and she’ll end up scaring folks. Too bad, because she’s fun.

Emily Piriz has youth, looks, a voice and can play, but I’m not picking her. Angie Miller was my choice last year and that bit me in the ass. Scary thing with Emily – I could see her out in Week 1 or 2, but I could see her as a final four. So fuck me, right?

I’m taking Majesty Rose off my winner list. Her performance of Pharrell’s “Happy” has me worried she’s going to try and do up-tempo songs and get herself booted.

And this is where things get tough.

Ben Briley and CJ Harris are impossible to figure out. I could see both winning; I could see both going home early. Harris’s inability to get voted into the Top 5 terrifies me to pick him going deep. Briley’s winning America’s vote terrifies me into not picking him to do well.

Sam Woolf and Alex Preston are favored to win in Vegas/whatever offshore betting site you look at. Sam is the favorite solely because he’s the cute WGWG. Alex is up there because he’s the most talented.

And then there’s MK Nobilette and Malaya Watson. Two wild cards. MK has a following and as I’ve said all season, she’s intriguing. You want to hear more every time she performs. The gay thing doesn’t hurt either. As for Malaya, There’s something about her that I like. She’s the one who’s going to screw everything up for me. She’s going to be the Candice – she’ll be just good enough to survive week after week, then next thing anybody knows, she’s in the Top 3 and everyone’s like “HOLY SHIT SHE’S GONNA WIN THIS THING.”
So this is what I’m dealing with.

Over the next couple of hours, I’ll be eliminating contestants one by one with my explanation of why they will and why I’m a moron, with some other thoughts sprinkled in.

And to make it more fun I’m going to start boozing now, so there is a zero percent chance I’m live tweeting the West Coast tonight.

And apologies for my absence over the weekend. Instead of cranking out Idol blogs, I was hired to write 3,000 words on for a real-life newspaper instead. On my birthday. At an event that took eight hours. It was just as much fun as it sounds. Also, we had an Idol contestant lined up to contribute anonymously on the blog, but that kind of fell through because apparently the Idol producers are the kings of Crazy Town.

Stick with us – it’s gonna be a fun afternoon/evening.

-The Dude