American Idol Top 5 Elimination: Unlike Santa, the SamSpiracy was real

It wasn't his fault, but the way the producers treated Sam disgraced the American Idol brand.

It wasn’t his fault, but the way the producers treated Sam disgraced the American Idol brand.

Where do you begin?

How can you rationally write about what just happened?

Three minutes into tonight’s American Idol elimination show, we heard the dreaded words “a shocking twist” which means only one thing – some part of the competition was about to get screwed with because the producers didn’t like the outcome, which meant only one thing.

The SamSpiracy was real. Like real real.

It was too obvious. There was no warning of a twist last night or any time before that. The only warning was a tweet sent out by Ryan Seacrest three hours before the show, meaning that’s when producers found out their golden boy was screwed.

Want more proof? Did you watch Randy Jackson’s recap of the previous night. These are his critiques:

a) “XXXX had an amazing night last night. XXXX killed it.”
b) “I was so proud of XXXX. XXXX gave everything to that song.”
c) “XXXX really turned the place upside down. XXXX really tore the roof off the whole thang.”
d) “XXXX I thought had a very interesting night. It started a little shaky but by the middle towards the end of that song XXXX really got it going.”
e) “I think XXXX has an amazing strong voice, but I think performance-wise XXXX didn’t have the best of nights.”

Can you figure out which critique belonged to which singer?

The first was Geena Gina Jena Irene (who had my highlight of the season when she busted her mother’s chops for spelling her name wrong), which would be fine if she wasn’t patently mediocre in the second round. The second was Alex Preston and it was a fair assessment of his second showing. The third is Caleb Johnson, and he did turn the place upside down.

So that leaves the fourth and fifth and this is where the SamSpiracy really comes to light.

Randy’s critique of Sam Woolf was more embarrassing than the way Randy dresses. There’s no honesty or truth behind it. Randy is a sellout and cares little about American Idol as a contest; he’s there for one thing and it’s the fame because no one, I repeat no one, loves themselves more than Randy fucking Jackson (NOTE TO RANDY: You’re an adult. Act like one. Talk like one. Dress like one. Because you’re a disgrace).

He only backed it up with the critique of Jessica Meuse, because nobody, and I mean nobody, said she didn’t have the best of nights except a) the judges; and b) Randy fucking Jackson. Check the interwebs – everyone thought she had a good night and everybody saying this said there was no way she wasn’t going to get screwed.

She almost did.

Sources tell me when the producers found out the results this morning, they panicked and came up with the contestants vote to keep everyone safe this week. My sources are common sense.

Can you imagine what that room must have been like. I picture one of the producers opening the results and just muttering “fuck.” So they figured out a plan – if all the contestants vote Yes, no one goes home and we’ll do a double elimination. They’re all friendly so they’ll definitely keep everyone safe, we’ll announce Sam would have gone home and next week he’ll get a surge of votes, putting him in the top three. It was brilliant.

Honestly, I think if they made the contestants vote live and not anonymously, it works. Going to commercial and making it anonymous was the worst thing they could have done because it allowed time for logic to kick in.

If I’m betting, I’d say Caleb and Alex were the “no” votes. Why? They had the most two lose. They’re clearly the two favorites to reach the final and if you watched right before they cut to commercial after announcing the vote, Caleb turned to Alex and immediately started talking (UPDATE: Caleb was looking over and telling everyone “we’re all voting yes, right?” while Alex squirmed). Anything can happen with a two-week vote, especially if they announce who received the lowest vote totals. So the two guys who were undoubtedly safe both agreed – we’re sending someone home.

The only way it wasn’t Caleb and Alex is because Alex knew his buddy Sam was in trouble and he’d vote to keep him around. Caleb definitely voted no. He’s too rock not to. Jena voted yes because she’s a teenage girl and they hate having people potentially hate them. Sam voted yes because he knew he was screwed and he wasn’t about to commit hari kari on national TV.

That leaves Jessica.

Jessica knows the deal. She knows she’s been getting unfairly judged every week and trashed every chance the judges get. Jessica also knows another thing – she gives zero fucks.

It wouldn’t shock me if the second the contestants were informed of the “twist” – and by the looks of it, they found out when we did – Jessica thought “holy shit, they’re trying to keep Sam here. That crazy Twitter guy who keeps using #SamSpiracy was right.” There was only one thing she could do – vote no and hope her hunch was right.

(UPDATE: Nailed Alex. Was wrong about Caleb. Turns out it was Jena. Cold blooded, but it makes perfect sense. With Sam gone, who gets his votes? Alex for one, but Jena should be the beneficiary of some, which gives her a shot at the finals.)

The one thing contestants always forget is American Idol is a competition show. It’s no different than a football game – someone has to win and someone has to lose, so that’s why when Seacrest said “no” Sam looked shocked. He genuinely believed they were going to keep him around (If I’m Sam, I’m going on every social media platform possible and taking credit for the “no” vote, saying I had an idea I was going home and didn’t think it would be fair to my fellow Idols to stay) and couldn’t believe someone voted no.

The #SamSpiracy was in full strength and it failed. Thankfully (and just for more proof, want to know why they didn’t announce the Bottom 2? Because the other one was Jena. The producers do not want Jessica to succeed) because the show was losing credibility every week Sam was on.

Tonight was a black eye for American Idol. It was a gross misuse of power and it needs to be addressed by the show’s producers because if they don’t, it’s not going to help the already struggling ratings. Ryan Seacrest should be embarrassed, especially since he’s marketing himself as the modern-day Dick Clark, who would have never let something so egregious happen.

Harry Connick Jr., who’s prided himself on being honest and fair, should come out next Wednesday and acknowledge the SamSpiracy. Jennifer Lopez and Keith Urban are lost causes, so they’ll smile and look confused if anyone says anything about it.

And if I’m Jessica Meuse, I’m going into total Fuck You mode. If producers can’t get a song cleared, I’m singing it anyway. She should show more thigh tattoo. She should wear a shirt that says “F-CK American Idol,” because I wouldn’t be shocked if next week’s theme is “Sing a Hipster Song Unless Your Name Is Caleb” Week.

Tonight happened. If you didn’t believe the producers had a hand in the results or the outcome of the show before, you can’t deny it now. There’s just too much evidence – it would hold up in a court of law.

There’s only one way to react to tonight’s sham.

Vote for Jessica Meuse as much as humanly possible.

Because after the way she’s been treated, she deserves to win this thing.