What Girls Will Make the American Idol Top 12? The Dude who knows makes his picks

This probably would have been easier if I was hammered.

I’m not going to sit here and tell you I’m 100 percent confident in who I think America’s voting to the finals tonight. While I felt pretty good about predicting who the Top 24 was, this is nowhere as easy because a) They haven’t performed yet; b) There isn’t a standout so I don’t know if the talent is that good or just that ordinary; and c) it’s way easier to make predictions when I don’t spend my weekend covering high school swim meets and have time to do a little more research.

Let’s clear this up before we get to the picks – the people I am picking to advance are not necessarily who I want to get through. What I want and what America wants are two different things and while a lot of bloggers pick who they like to make it through, my picks are made based on what we’ve seen and how Idol fans have voted in the past.

If I’m picking the Dudes Review Idol Dream Top 12, I’m making selections based on my musical tastes, contestants I think won’t just sing straight covers and people who fucking entertain the shit out of me. My 12?

GIRLS– Jax, Joey Cook, Shannon Berthiaume, Katharine Winston, Shi Scott (who’s gonna get called Shit Scott on this blog sooner or later because I don’t edit and FAT FINGERS) and Tyanna Jones.
GUYS – Savion Wright, Marc Andrew, Clark Beckham, Adam Ezegelian, Qaasim Middleton, Quentin Alexander.

If Sarina Joi Crowe or Loren Lott or Rayvon Owen or Michael Simeon came out and said “Yeah, I hope to sing some Hall & Oates or Michael McDonald,” I’d be Team Them. Since their music isn’t necessarily what I want to hear on Idol, I wouldn’t pick them.

But that doesn’t mean America won’t.

Now if you think I’m just hedging bets, hahahaha, NAILED IT. Want to see me get crazier.

Here’s who, based on the performances alone, I think SHOULD be through.

GIRLS – Jax, Tyanna Jones, Katherine Winston, Shannon Berthiaume, Adanna Duru, Loren Lott
GUYS – Clark Beckham, Adam Ezegelian, Quentin Alexander, Rayvon Owen, Trevor Douglas, Savion Wright.

So here we go. This is who I think American will vote for and will be the Top 12 13 come Thursday night.

GIRLS

Jax looks a little different since making the Top 24, no?

Jax looks a little different since making the Top 24, no?

1. Jax
WHY AMERICA WILL: She’s got talent. She’s hot. She’s got a face tat and that makes her as hard as Gucci Mane. Her ability to play a wide range of music helps, but being a pretty blonde on a piano doesn’t hurt. She’s like a mix of Angie Miller and Brooke White and if she learns from their mistakes – Miller’s terrible song selection, White’s complete inability to connect with the audience – she’ll be a hell of a contestant.
WHY AMERICA WON’T: Old people hate face tats. She gets Daughtery’d. She keeps doing that weird thing with her hands. I can’t think of a logical reason.
America always votes for the JBAS. Always.

America always votes for the JBAS. Always.

2. and 3. Lovey James and Maddie Walker
WHY AMERICA WILL: It used to be near-impossible to get two singers of the same genre in the finals. Then country hit and the south went apeshit. I don’t know if Lovey James is actually country. She seems very much willing to be whatever will get her paid and if that’s the case, she’s a country artist. Maddie’s country and I’m only putting her in because I after the sing-off display, I’m 100 percent confident she’s going to murder the stage Wednesday. Plus, two cute blondes.
WHY AMERICA WON’T: Because they only vote one in? That would make more sense and in all honesty, my decision to pick both of them is based on past failures when I’ve refused to believe America will only put one through. Quite a diverse crowd so far, right? Let’s change that a bit so our country doesn’t seem totally racist.

4. Shi Scott

Best. Idol. Hair. Going.

Best. Idol. Hair. Going.


WHY AMERICA WILL: All about that action, boss. She’s gotten the most screen time of the black pop girls and that’s going to lead to votes. I think the four of them – Sarina, Loren, Adanna Duru and Shi – are really good and I want to put two of them through. In fact, I’m not going to be the least bit surprised when Lovey or Maddie doesn’t make it and Sarina, Loren or Adanna do. But Shi gets a spot over Loren here because she’s shown a little more personality than Miss Lott, although I’m really not feeling confident as I write this.
WHY AMERICA WON’T: Because they go for Loren Lott. I think Loren might be a bit better in the singing department and a big performance tonight carries her to the Top 12. Sarina and Adanna are underdogs because we really haven’t gotten the chance to know them. Wait, what’s that you say? There’s another black pop singer in the mix? I’m more than aware of that.

5. Tyanna Jones
WHY AMERICA WILL: You know who America loves more than anyone else in this world? Beyonce. White people, black people, Hispanic, Asian, men, women, gays – especially the gays. EVERYONE. Tyanna Jones did a Beyonce song at the House of Blues and that’s going to get a lot of people in her corner. Add in the “I’m poor and I’m doing this for my mom” angle and she’s a god damn gold mine. If America doesn’t vote her in, producers might force Seacrest, J-Lo, Harry and Urban to vote a million times each for her and Tweet out links for people to vote for her so she can get through. Be ready for the Tyanna push everyone.
WHY AMERICA WON’T: Because Shannon Berthiaume is so good Wednesday night Tyanna crumbles under the pressure. I think one of the teens gets in and it might, god forbid, come down to who has a better performance. Tyanna seems a little more seasoned than Shannon, but Shannon’s crazy soulful voice could hit the type of crowd that normally votes for Tyanna.

Worst case, she'll be starring on New Girl next season.

Worst case, she’ll be starring on New Girl next season.


6. Joey Cook
WHY AMERICA WILL: You can’t hate the quirky girl, right? There’s always a quirky girl, whether it’s the dark and moody Gina Geena Jena Irene, the short-cropped Erika Van Pelt or the homeless hippie Crystal Bowersox, the quirky girl always gets votes. And in case you hadn’t noticed, her folky sound is kind of a big deal. If she can figure out how to get the hipsters to stop drinking their organic soy cheese salad shakes, she might win the damn thing.
WHY AMERICA WON’T: People hate hipsters, don’t vote for her just because. In all honesty, this is one of those upset picks where I’d normally give the spot to Loren Lott just to be safe. Actually, that’s a damn good reason – I could see Joey having a weird performance and people just not voting for her because they have no idea what they just watched.

THE REST

Last Cut: Loren Lott
WHY: She’s my tough cut. With the amount of screentime plus her most recent performances, I’m not going to be surprised when she makes it, then tells Seacrest “That guy from Dudes Review Idol can go fuck himself.:

Fifth Cut: Katharine Winston
WHY: In a perfect world she makes it. She’s probably the (glances at sheet) fourth-best voice of the girls, second-most “different” sound, but what she has doesn’t put asses in seats.

Fourth Cut: Adanna Duru
WHY: Her last performance was really good. She’s probably highest on the list of “gonna sing something that will make me drunk cry.” Not going to be surprised if she makes it totally based on the fact I’m reverse jinxing her.

Third Cut: Sarina Joi Crowe
WHY: She’s really good. Some of the notes she’s hit this year have been ridiculous. She might have the best voice of the black pop girls, but without getting to know her it’s tough to see people voting for her. The party’s a bit crowded and someone has to go. Again, not going to be surprised if she’s in and the others aren’t.

Second Cut: Shannon Berthiaume
WHY: I think she has the best voice of all the girls but has zero idea what to do with it. She’s not classically trained so she’s really just singing from the heart. She’s not thinking of runs, notes or arrangements – it’s sing, sing, sing. If she gets in, it’s because she gives J-Lo major goosies and people across the country are in tears.

First cut: Alexis Gomez
WHY: She has no identity. Say she’s the quirky girl – can you see her over Joey? If she’s the country girl, is she in over Maddie and Lovey? Say she’s a musician – is she over Jax? If she gets in, someone really good is going to get robbed of a spot. It’s not that she’s not talented, but sometimes you have to look at your competition and realize “well, I’m in trouble.”

This is getting a little long (that’s what she said) so I’ll have a post for the Guys coming up shortly.

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