American Idol Top 10: Movie night was about lights, camera, action and a total screw job


I need to know who on this planet thought the one contestant on American Idol who can’t sing was the person who the judges thought the save should be used on?

Was it you J-Lo?

I mean, I know Qaasim is from Brooklyn. You guys have that New York connection, provided you ignore the fact you’ve been one of the richest people on earth for the good part of 20 years and the only time you spend where you grow up is when you’re doing shitty car commercials, and even then you fake that and shoot it in a studio.

Was it you, Urban, you hunky Australian fuck? Listen, you’re so pretty I hate being mean to you, but you gotta stop being the nice guy. You’re a foreigner and not European, so you’re super nice to everyone, so I get why you’d just agree with J-Lo, but I can’t imagine in your heart of heart you believed Qaasim was one of the five best Idols and he just got screwed.

Was it you, Harry Connick? I trusted you. I really did. You’re Horrible Harry, the guy who just shits on people for no reason at all. You ask people the meaning of songs when zero percent of people watching give a fuck about what is being song. I mean, I was giddy with excitement about the possibility of you telling Qaasim “Man, this is a singing show and you didn’t sing, so we’re not using the save.” Way to fuck me on that, big guy. Go back to making popular music for blue hairs and GTFO.

Scott Borchetta. Yeah, you. Take your head out of that massive pile of cocaine for one quick second. Did you tell the the judges they had to save Q? Because if you did, you just went from the show’s savior to the guy who ended the series.

The save is a terrific part of the show. America is pound to fuck up, so this is a failsafe. It makes sure when the people with actual talent have an off week, they can be saved for one slight mistake.

That’s not to say Qaasim didn’t have talent. Give the dude credit – he performs on stage better than anyone. Problem is, he doesn’t sing. He can’t sing. He hasn’t sung one note that sounded good all season – auditions, Hollywood, semifinals, whatever. We’re still waiting to hear Qaasim sing better than someone.

Qaasim proved how bad we was last week when he tried to sing a Paul McCartney song and butchered it and then started dancing like a god damn clown to make up for his complete lack of vocal ability.

(PS I feel awful writing all of this because his mother seems like probably the coolest person in the world).

My concern – and if I’m one of the elite contestants, it should be their concern as well – is that someone is going to have an off week and not get enough votes to advance.

Don’t think it’s a big deal? Ask Pia Toscano. In Season 10 she was one of the Top four or five contestants. She was crushing out flawless ballads every week and one time the judges said, “hey, you need to sing faster paced, more modern songs.” Now this would be terrific advice to give if the brain-dead judges – Randy Jackson, J-Lo and Steven Tyler – didn’t hand out an early save to crowd favorite despite his clear inability to sing Casey Abrams (who essentially is the white Qaasim Middleton, as long as you replace the Quaker beard for dreads).

Fast-forward a few weeks later, Pia sings Tina Turner, doesn’t sound right and gets booted. The judges act incredulous and blame America, ignoring the fact that had they not blown the save, they could have saved someone who actually had a chance to win the show.

Qaasim doesn’t have a chance to win. The only person who’s taken advantage of a save was Jessica Sanchez, and she only made it as far as she did because everyone on Season 11 not named Phillip Phillips or Joshua Ledet was pretty fucking average.

What’s going to happen when Quentin Alexander gets booted for being to weird? Or Joey Cook for being too eccentric? What about Jax? What about Clark Beckham?

I love Tyanna Jones, but in my hopes of hopes she gets booted in a few weeks and the judges get pissed and totally deflect blame.

You can’t waste the save. You have to use it on someone who can win or don’t use it at all.

What the judges did tonight was totally irresponsible and if I’m any of the top 10 – Quentin, Joey, Jax, Clark, Tyanna, Maddie Walker, Nick Fradiani, Rayvon Owen, Daniel Seavey, Adanna Duru – I’m furious because the judges just said “We think Qaasim is more deserving to be on this show than you and we like him way more.”

And that, my friends, is how you drop a mic.

I hate that the save ruined what was a pretty solid showing. We had some all-time performances, namely from Quentin, Joey, Clark and Jax, and some pretty good showings from the rest of the group whose names don’t rhym with Baasim or Maniel Peavey. I’ll break down the show performance-by-performance then.

OUT.

(PS: Quick Bottom 3: Qaasim, Daniel Seavey and Rayvon Owen. Rayvon should be safe and hopefully Qaasim and Seavey go home, but if I’m him or Adanna – the lead-off hitter – I’m terrified heading to next week, especially considering they both should be safe)

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