The Dude Abides: What the American Idol Top 10 Should Sing for 80s Week – Jax

My girl done grown up right in front of my eyes.

My girl done grown up right in front of my eyes.

WHAT SHE SHOULD SING:“Every Breath You Take,” The Police
Ohhhh, so cliché you say? False.

You think I’d recommend a typical choice for one of the contestants I think can win the damn thing?

Here is the version of the song that I think if Jax tried to copy, she’d do good but not make anyone cry or afraid.

I don’t want her trying to be Sting – especially not in the bedroom, because Jax is a sweetheart and I don’t want any of you pervos trying anything. SHE’S A FUCKING KID (gotta make sure the word order is right there).

My first step in putting this list together was going through CBS’ “Stalker” on IMDB – where I assumed I’d find a song for Quentin Alexander – and when I came upon this version, my immediate thought was “if Jax sings this people are going to be 100 percent confident she’s singing to that dude whose head she rubbed last week.” Listen:

It’s very Jax-ian. If she puts her Jaxcent on it, tidies up some of the electronic music with, you know, instruments and people instead of computers, this will work brilliantly because it’ll probably end up being the most popular and recognizable song – which adds to the vote total – but chick singing dude song is a gold mine.

Yes, it might get her about 1,000 more actual stalkers, but let’s not kid ourselves – she’s got a billion people following her on Twitter who are probably doing enough stalking that they’ll all kill each other off.

With Jax I’m interested to see if she goes for an upbeat song because there are plenty that a pretty chick can pull off. I’m also interested to see how big the hoop earrings she wears will be because I’ll be they’ll be enormous. Let’s hope for the massive hair tease and bangs hairsprayed straight up as well. I can’t think of anyone except jheri curled Quentin Alexander who could pull off the 80s look better than Jax anyway.