The Dude Abides: What the American Idol Top 10 should sing for 80s week – Qaasim Middleton

If he wore this last week, I can only imagine what he's got in store for 80s Week.

If he wore this last week, I can only imagine what he’s got in store for 80s Week.

Qaasim Middleton
WHAT HE SHOULD SING: “Jungle Love,” Morris Day and The Time
I was going one of three ways with Qaasim.

1) Sing Luther Vandross or James Ingram or something that’s slow and involves no dancing whatsoever
2) Continue the “Dance first, don’t worry about the vocals” thing going
3) Troll American and sing “Never Gonna Give You Up” by Rick Astley

The obvious choice for Qaasim would be Terence Trent D’Arby – or whatever he calls himself – but that would be boring as hell. I want to be entertained by the performance and for me that involves vocals and a good song, not neither of the two.

So who’s the best on-stage performer of the 1980s? Not Michael Jackson, because he diddled kids. The best on-stage performer is Prince and while I would LOVE for Qaasim to sing “Darling Nikki” and really freak people out or “I Would Die 4 U” and go nuts, I realized that he doesn’t quite have the talent to sing Prince so let’s go with the welfare version of Prince.

Ladies and gentlemen, Morris Day and The Motherfucking Time.

Now this is the part where I link the video to the song, but it’s not on YouTube. Fortunately, because he’s such a badass, Morris Day was on Kimmel as part of #MashUpMonday as Morris Day and the Haim. Here’s the performance:

See why I want Qaasim to do this? I don’t think Qaasim can pimp and preen as well as Morris Day, but let’s be honest – who can? (SIDENOTE: I need to hang out with Morris Day. Just for one night.)

The toughest part of the performance will be a) nailing the Jungle Love dance and b) finding someone to be his man-servant Jerome and carry out a mirror and dance along with him. I’m not even kidding – Morris Day has a man-servant. He had a Fonzworth Bentley before P. Diddy even knew what a Fonzworth Bentley was.

It should also be noted that Morris Day and Jerome inspired perhaps one of my favorite comedic scenes ever.

It’s crucial that if Qaasim does Morris Day, he plays the part right. Hell, if he’s not going to do Jungle Love, I don’t hate the idea of doing “The Bird,” as long he can nail the “SQUAWK.”

I want to believe Qaasim is going to focus more on vocals than performance for 80s Week, but at this point I don’t care. If he’s going to keep this up, just completely sell out on it. If Qaasim gives me Jungle Love he’ll be back on my good graces.

And if he gets Idol to pay for it, I’ll come out and be Jerome.