The war of words on between Quentin and Harry turned American Idol into an American Classic

NERD FIGHT

NERD FIGHT

Tonight’s American Idol proved one thing.

The entertainment industry – performers, producers, hosts, journalists (using that term loosely) and even fans – have skin thinner than Karen Carpenter.

(And if I’m opening with an eating disorder joke, hold on to your shoes. This is gonna be a ride).

The whole Quentin Alexander-Harry Connick war of words, with Ryan Seacrest asking questions worse than those from a present-day Dick Clark would, was a complete sham.

I’m not doubting the emotions of the moment, or the overplayed reaction by the man from “New Orleans who’s from the right part of the city where crime doesn’t happen, so it doesn’t really count as New Orleans.” Those were real.

But it could have ended quickly if people in this whole damn industry didn’t get so fucking sensitive. (The captain has turned off the swear button, so be ready).

The second Quentin said “You have two of the best vocalists, my best friend is sitting over there, this whole thing is wack and I’m about to shut up right now” Seacrest could have ended everything by coming back with “Well then Quentin, who should be in the Bottom 2 instead?”

And when Quentin came back with “Well, we’re all good competitors, it’s tough to see anyone over there,” Seacrest could have stopped him and said, “no, no Quentin – pick two. You said it sucks to see your good friend Joey over there; who should be in her place?”

If Seacrest does that, we don’t have to hear Harry sit on his rich, pompous high horse as he tries to become relevant in 2015 on American Idol, a show dear to my heart by with enough cultural pull that your chances of being famous are the same whether or not you even make it to Hollywood.

INSTEAD, Seacrest is too much of a pussy to ask anything resembling a follow-up question and Harry uses the same speech I use on my daughter when I refuse to buy her the new Elsa doll at Target – “Honey, if you don’t like the dolls you have at home how about we give them all away to someone who will be happy with them?”

Then Quentin, who’s not rich, pompous or entitled, storms the stage. Now you’ll read some stories by bloggers who call themselves journalists (they’re not) from magazines with the same initials as an alien movie that say there were nearly “fisticuffs.” As someone with common sense, here’s a fact – there is no fucking way there was going to be a fight. I have a better chance of a three-way with Joey Cook and Jax than a fight breaking out on stage.

Quentin went up there to explain himself after his words were so misconstrued by a judge who has no idea how the world works and Quentin did so very respectfully. He put a slight scare into Harry, becase when he talked you could here the “Oh god, a black man is coming after me” trembles in his voice.

While Harry is New Orleans, you can tell by listening to him he is more Bourbon Street New Orleans than real New Orleans.

Honestly, the whole thing was overblown and I’m only writing about it because it’s the story even if it shouldn’t have been. My point is it could have been settled if a) Seacrest had integrity and b) if Connick shut the fuck up. Since Seacrest didn’t and Harry is a dick, we got what we got.

And that sucked because tonight’s show was the best American Idol has had in years. How many times do you remember an episode without one bad performance? Without a missed lyric or an awkward arrangement?

Perhaps the most unique performer in the show’s history was eliminated, but there’s no much room to feel bad about it because based on what we saw, there’s definitely a case that it was the right choice.

As much as I didn’t want to see Joey leave – both from a personal and professional opinion – you can’t argue Rayvon Owen didn’t deserve to stick around. What he’s done the last three weeks is amazing because his ass has been ready to go home and instead, he might be the best thing on the show.

If Joey was going to leave, it was good to see someone else’s excellence be the reason and not some stupid popularity contest. If there’s anything to be upset about, it’s the fact here two performances would likely have ranked her among the Top 4 for the night.

The sneaky winner of the night was Nick Fradiani, who did two terrific bar songs and performed them perfectly, much to the chagrin of many entertainment people I follow who think Nick is just coasting. Dirty secret? No shit. He knows he’s playing the game well and used my terminology speaking to SCOTT BORCHETTA (who tweets all caps like I do when I’m super drunk).

While Clark Beckham and Tyanna Jones were the favorites coming in and remain as such, their performances were more toward safe than superb. With such a gap between them and the rest of the field, it should get the job done.

Jax was very, well, Jaxsian. Neither performance made me run to iTunes for the download, but it was one of those weeks where she could have made up ground and I think she just stayed put.

Rayvon is going to be Bottom 2 next week even though he doesn’t deserve it. His performances tonight were stellar and the final one gave me goosies, which was weird because I thought that only happened to middle-aged Latino women with huge asses.

Quentin? I mean, good god. “Are You Gonna Go My Way” was a great example of performing but being able to sing (take note, Qaasim Middleton) and then he came back with “Sound of Silence” and it was the best of the night until Rayvon closed things down. (Bonus points for using the same laser background I did in my third grade class pic).

Problem with Quentin is America is going to get pissed at him and he’ll end up Bottom 2, which is total bullshit. It’ll be him and Rayvon.

Now if I’m voting? Jax and Clark.

I’m not writing this as Jax and Clark were the worst of the night. Tonight wasn’t like that. Best to worst in my eyes: 1) Quentin 2) Nick 3) Rayvon 4) Tyanna 5) Clark 6) Jax.

Clark and Jax weren’t bad. They were pretty good – but the rest were better.

I sincerely doubt it’s going down that way because, at least in my eyes, you vote based on the whole show, so we’re gonna see Rayvon and Quentin and at this point you’d be a fool to think Rayvon wouldn’t win.

So that’s that. I’m gonna post this and I’m sure I’ll get a ton of responses about being mean. I’m just real and it’s time people who follow this bullshit get a does of it.

PS Sneaky favorite part of the night was Scott Borchetta saying Rayvon “better hope the third time is a charm.” Um, Scott – I know you’re worth millions and make hits, but do yourself a favor: stop talking on live TV. You say ‘third time is a charm” when the first two times have done the opposite of what you wanted. I’ll chalk this up to a Southern education.

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