The American Idol Season 15 premiere was pretty good, minus the Kanye thing
And we’re off.
Wednesday’s American Idol premiere was about as good as you can ask from an audition episode. The reminisced the perfect amount of time, then got right into the auditions. There are some who want more flashbacks, but not this guy – I’m moving forward. It’s like when I go golfing. I don’t think about the holes or courses I’ve played in the past, I focus on the now; and then when I get to the 14th I get emotional because it’s all ending soon.
I was incredibly curious as to how much time Idol would spend on the past and how much they’d spend on the final season. The auditions are traditionally the most popular of all the episodes and you need to show the talent and the disasters. I was also curious as to how J-Lo would avoid talking about her upcoming cop show on NBC.
But they did a great job (I’m saying this pretending the final two minutes never happened. The Kanye bit was a joke) and I loved the added flavor of bringing back the old cast for the open tryouts – or at least the second stage of the open tryouts, because there’s no way they’d let them sift through half the garbage that tries out for American Idol.
In one episode, producers gave us a taste, too. Joshua Wicker is the real deal. If you told me right now he was gonna win I wouldn’t doubt it for a minute. Shelbie Z also showed off what she got and there wasn’t a better female voice on the night (although producers were sly in hiding Laurel Wright, who was terrific in her tryout last year).
Now I’m not gonna sit here and tell you I don’t have my favorites. There was a sparkle in my eye when Kory Wheeler popped on the screen because even those he’s a hipster and I’m a preppy d-bag, that dude is my boy. At least on Twitter. I’ll fanboi all over him and don’t care who knows. I thought Lee Jean was good – then he followed me on Twitter and BOOM, I’m all in on the kid.
Was there any other talent? Yep. There were plenty of tickets handed out and while plenty of them have as good a chance as I do winning Idol, we saw a lot of very marketable and talented performers.
First off, good job by American Idol finally realizing it’s not a great idea to post minor’s full names when they try out for the show. Michelle has a better chance of winning the World Series than winning American Idol, but I loved her story, especially the home video of her crying when Scott MacIntyre was eliminated from the show. If Idol producers had any semblance of brains, they’re bringing her back for the finale (she ain’t making the cut, trust me) and having her sing a solo where MacIntyre comes out and surprises her. That would be awesome.
“Ghost Riders,” Johnny Cash
Scott McCreery called. He wants his act back. GTFO.
“This is a Man’s Man’s Man’s World,” James Brown
I’ve got to tread carefully here, because Lindita’s husband is built like The Incredible Hulk. Her story is great – she dropped a high school sophomore off her figure, got crazy hot and she’s got a voice. Loved J-Lo and Harry saying “she still sings like a big girl” and she could be fun to watch, but don’t bet on her for the Top 24.
“I See Fire,” Ed Sheeran
Could be a game-changer. Young black kid sings ginger white guy’s song always confuses people. Kid’s got talent, for serious, but as we’ve seen, young teens aren’t winning Idol even if he’s marketable AF. However, if you told me this kid is a superstar in four years, I wouldn’t doubt it. I don’t know what he’s got except my attention, because his look and talent are exactly what I end up backing regardless. Not in a creepy way tho.
“Chainsaw,” The Band Perry
I love this girl. She’s more of a man than me, probably owns a billion guns and could be fun to watch move on. I don’t think the stand-up bass was the best choice, but she got to Hollywood and with the right coaching, could do serious damage. Oh, and her older sisters tell me that when she gets legal, she’s going to be EXTREMELY marketable, if you know what I mean.
“Look at Me,” Carrie Underwood
A Pia Toscano look-a-like. Good voice, but praise thrown on her by Harry – thinking she can win the whole thing – was a little much. There is no way Sonika can win because a pure singer hasn’t won since Jordin Sparks (I don’t count Season 12).
“Leave It On Your Mind,” Patsy Cline
If this chick showed up at my door in a full cop uni I’d 100 percent think she was a stripper, I’d high-five my buddies and whoops, I’d be going to jail. She’s hot – in that kick-your-ass kinda way – and her voice is good. She’s not winning Idol, but she’s good. Please don’t arrest me.
“Latch” by Disclosure ft. Sam Smith
I’m in the camp of if you try out five times and don’t make it to Hollywood, GTFO. I like Shevonne’s look, but it was a huge upset that she didn’t have armpit hair.
“Benny and the Jets,” by Elton John
If anyone says a bad word about Kory I’ll cut you, plain and simple. I loved him last year and nothing has changed, except I think he’s wearing tighter jeans. He’s definitely going to break my Fetty Wap rule but I’ll probably be so drunk I won’t care. HEY WHAT UP HELLO.
“Follow Your Arrow,” Kacey Musgraves
The biggest debate in the DRI household was whether or not Laurel was wearing a skirt or skorts, because if that was a skirt her hoo-ha definitely made an appearance, not that anyone cared. Laurel’s hot AF and really just got outnumbered by country girls last year, but she could sneak up on people, especially with the apparent pro training she’s received the last year.
I don’t know how he doesn’t make it to the finals. He looks like a methy Ryan Gosling – a joke I tweeted out seconds before J-Lo made the reference – he has a hot wife, a new baby and is the sound that dominates the show. Dude almost had me in tears and this is the MF-ing auditions. This was a Top 10 audition of all-time. No joke. I haven’t been this excited about a contestant since I said Phillip Phillips was a lock to win.
Alex Sasser and Jordan Sasser
As a father of two girls, I’ve learned one thing – put your baby in a headband all the damn time. You put a headband on a little girl and it’s unstoppable. That baby was cute AF and made me want a third (and then I remembered if I had a third girl I’d have to drive right off a bridge).
Alex was better than Jordan but Jordan got through which was infuriating because he had a man-bun and an extremely punchable face. I’d legit think about punching his kid if it meant I got to punch him too.
BUT my favorite part was after Alex got booted and Jordan got in, Alex pulled a classic woman move and started blaming Jordan for her failure. If Fox doesn’t sign these two up for a Reality TV show deal they’re insane, because this is a trainwreck that all the WT people in the South would LOVE LOVE LOVE to watch.
Something creepy by some creepy band
I loved Kerry because he looked like Big Cat from BartstoolSports and because he legit might be a murderer. His song selection was horrible – don’t tell him I said that – but you could hear talent in there. I really need him to make it to group night just to see the video of him breathing heavy over his group members as they sleep, muttering “Kerry needs more practice, pretties.”
“Last Name,” Carrie Underwood
If you think doesn’t have the talent to win you didn’t listen to her. Her voice might be the best country voice we’ve heard on the show since Lauren Alaina. Might even be better. I love he sass, love her hair – she’s a hairdresser, so that ain’t gonna stop – and love her potential. But there’s a weakness that’s gonna cost her.
If you’ve read us before, you know we don’t mess around. This is gonna sound super, super shitty and I know it, but it has to be said: her weight is going to be an issue for some. There are going to be some people who won’t vote for her because she’s not a waif. It sucks because it’s some bullshit that she shouldn’t have to overcome, but it’s something that’s going to have to be addressed. If I’m her, I’m starting to think of a way to bring it up and dedicate a performance to anyone dealing with the same issues. That will earn her votes and while it sucks to say all this, that’s what you have to do if you want to win.
If you liked the Kanye appearance, unfollow me now please.
Hopefully this momentum can keep going forward. The more good Idol shows, the better, because you don’t draw people in by showing the horrible auditions; you win with heart and heartbreak.
You know where I’ll be Thursday night. Hope to see you there.