American Idol is coming back to TV so here’s to my crippling winter alcoholism


My Tuesday was going great when my wife woke up with the kids and let me sleep until 8 am and I didn’t even have to take my kid down the driveway to get the bus.

And then the good shit happened.

Somewhere between bites of my breakfast apple, which I slice because I’m a child, the news of American Idol’s return to TV hit twitter and May 9 instantly because the greatest day in the history of 2017.

The return of the greatest singing show in the history of singing shows (#FUCKTHEVOICE) shouldn’t have been much of a surprise seeing how Seacrest signed off of the final Fox telecast with “Goodbye … for now,” the biggest TV tease since whiny Rick was kneeling in front of Neagan and we were wondering who was going to get their face blown in by Lucille.

Idol is getting picked up by ABC, which is a great move for the show because Fox did everything it could to ruin the franchise, CBS is for nerds and NBC would be passive in marketing because it’s gotta protect The Voice, which sucks no matter how many times you change the celebrity judges who pretend to give a shit about contestants but actually DGAF.

So what kind of Idol are we going to get? Hopefully not a shitty one like Season 15. Because that sucked. If ABC realizes the show succeeds when you stop pandering to demos by pushing mediocre talent over people who are actually, you know, good, Idol thrives. There’s a reason its past contestants did things like sell records and become famous. Can you name one person who’s done anything of note from The stupid fucking Voice? Of course not. Because Idol rules and the Voice drools.

An in bigger news, this makes my last minute decision to renew the domain HUGE. Any of you fucks could have bought it because I definitely didn’t renew in time and the day it expired I decided to let God make the call for me. If it was available the next day, I’d buy it. If not, it wasn’t meant to be. It was available, I bought it back and here I am, living the good life of making zero dollars off a show that doesn’t love me back while I drink myself into bolivian every winter.

More blogs comin y’all. I’m back.