Which girls will make the top 24 on American Idol? (NO SPOILERS)
Picking the Top 12 girls is a lot harder than the guys for two reasons – after Effie Passero and Amelia Hammer Harris, there isn’t a slam dunk Top 10 girl. There’s just an epic fuckton of talent that really hasn’t dropped the mic on the competition. The second reason is trying to peg the girls into categories is nearly impossible because how they finish isn’t nearly as formulaic as the guys. Every sub-genre of girl has performed well and without that holy shit vocalist, there’s not a lot that stands out.
Bottom line, someone is gonna get screwed. There aren’t enough spots for everyone so you have to create competition within the genres and take the best of the best, which means I’m sending some of my favorites home and that stinks out loud.
So here goes nothing. No spoilers, I promise, just me putting together a Top 12 based on what I’ve seen and after Idol tonight y’all can come back and tell me what a dumbass I am.
Six categories, 12 spots. Let’s do this.
THE TOP 12 GIRLS
THE UNKNOWNS – 2 spots
Julia Cole, Kassy Levels, Kay Kay, Kourtney Smith, Kaitlann Runnels
Don’t know, slightly remember from last year, girl from NH who randomly showed up, girl who showed up in group night for five seconds, random white girl. OK, let’s get wild. Two of these five are making it. I don’t think it’s a coincidence Kay Kay, probably the only black singer in New Hampshire history, got shown quick during solo performances, so let’s put her through. Kourtney? I heard two notes in group night and there’s no fucking way you leave that voice at home.
THE PICKS: Kay Kay, Kourtney Smith
THE RINGER – 1 spot
I’ve said it all season, she didn’t try out for American Idol. They approached her. There’s no way Idol won’t go out of its way to put her through. Lock of all locks, gonna get a lot of support from the show to win this thing.
THE PICK – Gabby Barrett
COUNTRY – 1 spot
This is gonna go one of two ways, one is where Layla is pegged against Gabby as the country girl and gets dumped or they just let her be the only country girl and she gets through. Because Gabby seems to be her own entity, Layla’s working in the country genre solo so she should get through because you’re gonna need at least one country girl to perform next week.
THE PICK – Layla Spring.
MUSICIANS – 3 spots
Amalia Watty, Amelia Hammer Harris, Effie Passero, Harper Grace, Maddie Poppe
This category is loaded. I can’t see Idol taking Amelia and Amalia for the pure confusion it would cause among old white viewers and since Amelia is probably the most polished contestant on the girls side, she’s definitely in. Effie is my darkhorse pick to win the show and she can’t win if they send her home so let’s go ahead and put her through. There is no way with the love they’ve been giving Maddie Poppe and the performances she’s done that they’re gonna send her home even though I have a real strong feeling Harper “Two First Names” Grace is gonna end up in the Top 24.
THE PICKS – Amelia Hammer Harris, Effie Passero, Maddie Poppe
WGWG – 2 spots
Carly Moffa, Catie Turner, Maddie Zahm, Shannon O’Hara
Basically two quirky girls and two quiet midwesterners and if that’s not the case than STFU because it really plays to what I’m trying to do here. Catie has to be in because she’s an electric factory and probably the most entertaining contestant since Heejun Han. Picking between the reserved Maddie Zahm and the reserved Shannon O’Hara is like picking which one of my kids I love more, but since the older one’s been giving me shit and the younger one makes me laugh she’s my favorite, so I guess I’m taking Maddie Zahm and hoping somehow Shannon gets through too.
THE PICKS – Catie Turner, Maddie Zahm
VOCALISTS – 3 spots
Ada Vox, Alyssa Raghu, Britney Holmes, Christina Jones, Jurnee, Lee Vasi, Mara Justine, Michelle Sussett, Victoria McQueen
Here’s my problem with the female vocalists – they’re all the same, except for Ada, who I’m categorizing with the girls because there’s 25 guys and 24 girls and didn’t know which side to throw her on so here she is and Ada definitely makes the Top 3 because she’s got range and not because of the confusion it’s going to cause with the whole guy/girl thing. LET’S GO ADA. There’s eight girls left for two spots so we have to start cutting names. Britney Holmes, gone. Lee Vasi, barely saw ya. Mara Justine, bye bye. Michelle Sussett, no way. Alyssa Raghu? You made Katy’s Top 10, that was pretty good. One spot left for Christina and Victoria so I’ll take Victoria because of her pigtails and that leaves the last spot to married Jurnee and if you think I feel good about this, I just threw up on my floor from the stress of trying to pick them so ha.
THE PICKS: Ada Vox, Jurnee, Victoria McQueen
TOP 12 GIRLS PREDICTIONS
Amelia Hammer Harris